Filed under: Uncategorized
I am upset. Why do people use apostrophes at the wrong places?? It drives me up the wall.
Please do not use apostrophes on plurals!
I just saw a friend ‘tweet’ that she “hate’s getting stuck in an airport”. I am not sympathizing with her at this moment. She is our marketing manager responsible for writing our company’s communiqués and marketing materials – if she cannot get her apostrophes right, she should be stuck in an airport for a long time, till she gets it right!!
Apostrophes are used to show ownership, not plurals – don’t people understand the difference??
And when one needs to use apostrophe to show ownership of plurals, please add it at the end, not anywhere else.
On the other hand, please use apostrophes where they are needed – in contractions. Like, let’s (= let us) do this, you’re (= you are) and it does not definitely mean the same as your!
It is the time of the year again. The start of a New Year. It means starting anew – fresh goals, renewed energy and resolve. Well, in the last few months, I have been doing some thinking. No, these thoughts did not produce any goals for 2007 – but identified an ultimate goal. You can say that it is more spiritual than material.
Emotions drain us in everyway. Many of us respond to everything with emotions. Some would say that this is inherent in all animals, and we should not stop these primal feelings. It is this emotional response that ties us to the present. This emotional dependence however makes us analyze immediate events through the filter of our preset prejudices. The larger picture in life is usually left ignored. When in this state, we get heated up and cool down with the passing of every event, and we never rise above it all to analyze whether and where we went wrong or right. I lived more than 25 years of my life this way. I really did not know any better. By the way, education or age has nothing to do with this response mechanism, for I have seen many highly educated and elderly people behaving as a slave to their emotions.
Now I am in the next phase – I constantly struggle to get my mind above the moment, and try to bring some rationality to it all. I am going through a perpetual war between my emotions and my desire to see events with clarity. I want power and control – not on the people around me, but on myself. I know that if I can elevate my mind above the daily hubbub, I will be able to analyze what is happening. I am trying really hard. But it is not easy. I am surrounded by endless number of impatient people. They keep pulling me into useless arguments and discussions with emotional diatribes, and I do not have the control over myself to abstain from those yet. I get sucked into the vortex of reactions and emotions that leaves me drained and off-balance.
Where I want to go to is in that superior level of emotional intelligence – where I am in complete control, confident and certain of myself, and cannot be pushed off-balance by emotions and by people who are reactive. I know that such a state exists. I have read about people who reach that state. Several spiritual texts also talk about this. I do not know the path to it yet – but I know that is where I want to go. The journey to find the path and then follow it will be a challenging one – I wish I find the “yellow brick road” soon.
“Which clerk checked you out?”
“Uh…. Umm… The older gentleman”
“OK, Thanks. I am sorry it took so long.”
This was the last bit of conversation I had at the doctor’s office today with M, my doctor’s assistant. You see, I have an eye problem. Over the last year, my doctors are trying to figure out what’s going on and have me on a medley of drugs and eye drops. (Apparently my immune system does not like my eyes and has taken up arms against the two!) I see my doctors once every other month, and go through the usual routine. Check in at the front desk takes 10-15 minutes. Wait at the lounge for 15-20 minutes, before the junior doctor calls me in. He/she (it’s a different one every time – interns, I think), asks me the routine questions, tests my vision, checks the eye pressure, does a slit lamp review, etc. and then sets the stage for my “main” doctor. I get to wait another 20 – 30 minutes in the lounge before I am called in again. It is a five minute affair with Dr. J. He is very competent. I have total faith in him. He is good, he is busy, and he is efficient – just like good doctors should be. He looks at me through slit lamp, opthalmoscope, retinascope etc., and dictates to a machine operating it with his feet – all within the five minutes. We sometimes manage to even chat for a minute or two. Next, I get to wait for my rheumatologist, Dr. M – another 10-15 minutes. It’s also a five minute affair with him; he usually quizzes me on any reactions from the medicines I am taking and prescribes some blood tests, like CBC, liver function tests, etc. It seems that the high dose of immune suppressant that I take everyday require these monitoring tests. So, after having seen Dr. M, I happily carry my file to the front desk to check out. While checking out, they page the triage nurse, who arrives in usually less than five minutes and within typically another 10-15 minutes I am out of there.
So this is the routine. It takes somewhere from 2-2.5 hours for the whole routine. I usually take a book with me to the doctors’ office to read during the waiting time, except when they dilate me.
But today was different. My rheumatologist was not there. Dr. J ordered the tests and said that Dr. M will get back to me regarding my medication adjustments. So, as usual, I headed for the front desk again, handed my file over. All the time thinking that I will get off early today! The clerk set my next appointment and said that I was done. I went and sat in the lounge again to wait for the nurse. I even heard them page for one. When my nurse did not come in 20 minutes, I went up to the counter to ask if everything was OK. The clerk nonchalantly dismissed me and mumbled something about the nurse being called for. I waited ten more minutes. Then the nurse who usually draws blood for these tests walked by, we greeted each other and exchanged some pleasantries. I asked her if she was going to take my blood today. She said that she was not paged yet! So, we both walked to the front desk again.
There is something about the front desk a doctor’s offices, it is usually busy when you need something; at all other times, they are free! So anyway, after another, now quite irritating five minute wait, we enquire about what happened to my lab request. Well, apparently my clerk had misplaced my file. While he still had my financial sheet, he had no clue where my entire thick folder of records went! Everyone at the front desk started looking for my file. Dr. J and his assistant M were called, they wrote up another lab request and then finally my nurse took me to the room and started drawing my blood for the tests. When we were almost done, M came by to ask the above question. They had found my file.
All the above was the preface to what I wanted to actually write about today. You must have noticed that when M asked me which clerk checked me out – I have to pause to think. Why? Well, there were two clerks there – a young black man and an older white man. The older white man had both checked me in and out. But, when M asked me the question, I faltered – in my mind I went – shall I say “the white man”? But that means I am calling out a color – Americans are touchy about that. But then, if I say “the old man”, will that be nice?! I had to say something.
Was my response right? What do you think?
Filed under: Random Thoughts
A Johns Hopkins Study announced yesterday that since March 2003 more than 650,000 additional people have died in Iraq and 92% of those deaths were due to violent causes. No one can even give a figure of how many have died in Darfur. Violence going on everywhere – Afghanistan, Israel-Palestine-and now Lebanon, India-Pakistan, Sri Lanka, several countries in Africa like DR Congo, Zimbabwe, N. Korea and now Iran going nuclear…..
I am very sad today. All these depressing news is overwhelming me. All this violence is man-made. I am not even taking about tsunamis, hurricanes, cyclones, earthquakes, floods, global warming, etc. I often find myself wondering where we are heading. When do we just step back and just see what we are doing? How can this be right? I know we should always fight for the truth – but at what cost? And are all these wars just? Is this the world we give to give to our kids? What did they do to deserve this?
I mean: are you ready for a smack of jellyfishes coming to a holiday beach near you? (FYI: a group of jellyfishes are called a smack, an ode to their stinging defense system.)
Of all the aquariums I have been to so far, the Monterey Bay Aquarium had the best collection of jellyfish – I was enamored by these seemingly alien translucent floating umbrellas. Check out the different kinds of these beautiful creatures here. They have no brain, heart, eyes, or skeletons, yet they are among the major predators in the ocean. First they look very pretty – then you get scared because they sting you!
Right now they seem to be blooming in all the major oceans of the world. Our very own NC coast has an invasion too. We hear stories from Hawaii, Black Sea, Gulf of Mexico, Japan, and most recently the west coast of Namibia.
Jellyfish abundance has been accounted to a response to the effects of over fishing along the coast, eutrophication, or a combination of the two. They are often labeled as a nuisance species because they affect the fishing industry adversely, since they prey on fish eggs and juveniles and also compete for zooplankton. Scientists have found that changes in salinity or pH levels cause these jellies to migrate from their historic ranges. They also hitch rides in ballast waters. These jellies are also being spread by the tropical storms and hurricanes. Climate change is causing an increase in the number and severity of these storms. However, these jellies may not be too bad for us. In fact they may be helping us by sinking the carbon and working against global warming trend.
Everyone in this world is working towards goals. And in their minds, some have a plan to reach the goal and some just can’t figure it out the right one. Those who lack a plan, they do not just wander around; they have a dogged determination to reach that goal and take up any means to achieve it.
My question is that whether the process is as important as the goal? Unfortunately, I fail to see good examples of that most of the time. Why?
These are just a few examples. You all may have similar ones to share.
Story at a workplace: ABC is a great company – sound technical workforce, good management skills, and efficient teams. Somehow, they are not being able to break into a few prized clients. They submit proposals after proposals, with no avail. The client always says that ABC missed it by half a percentage point or so. The clients acknowledge that ABC has the best proposal but for some reason or another, wants XYZ to do the work for them. The reasons for selecting XYZ are as flimsy as can be. Upon research ABC finds that XYZ is regularly taking the client’s officials to wine and dine, distributing company stamped memorabilia to the staff, ten pounds of chocolate on Christmas, etc. Now, that is immoral, right? Even unethical, right? What should ABC do? Do the same as XYZ? But will that still help break the ice? XYZ has an unfair advantage now, since they have started earlier – ABC will have to one-up them. So, should ABC let go of the client because of ethics? If they do the latter, then they will end up bankrupt!
Story of a Kid: Parents love their kid. They want a bright future for the kid. So, with all their might, they hold the kid’s face to the books for twenty years – no fun or friends allowed. In their mind, they are doing this for the kid’s future – he/she will grow up with a sound education and will be able to pursue a respectable career and become “successful”. Very noble intentions, right? But what happens? The kid is lonely, develops no people skills for twenty years, and by the time its time to lift-off into the brilliant career the parents so wished for, the kid has a nervous breakdown. He/she spends time in and out institutions for rest of the life. Parents are upset and depressed – they cannot believe this happened!
War in Iraq: The intentions were good, some would even say noble. Get rid of a tyrant, liberate the oppressed people. They will be happy and thank the liberators. May be twenty years from now, Iraq will indeed get stabilized and the mission will be accomplished. At what cost? Fifty thousand people are already dead! How many more will have to die before things get better? [PS: Many would say that there was a hidden agenda in this war, but let us leave that for another discussion.]
If the process is not perfect, the sense of accomplishment is not there even when you have reached the goal. The question is: how well can we plan for our goals – particularly the ones that are long term? Should we factor in ethics, compassion, freedom, and all those lovely sounding words into the plan? In that case, we may not eventually be able to produce the results we desire so much – there is so much competition out there. Where do you draw the line? When and how often should you step back, reconsider and refigure strategies? Also, does one really really feel that happy when one reaches the goal as one thinks he/she will when working towards it?
Filed under: parents
This blog is inspired by all those out there who are still holding the shield against the onslaught of curiosity, cajoling, caustic remarks, taunting hints and guilt tripping to procreate.
It is our seventh anniversary today – we had been dating for eight years before that. So, if we were to be a typical Indian couple, we are long overdue on becoming “hum do humare do”. Obviously we are not the family way yet, much to the chagrin of our parents, in-laws, siblings, friends, plethora of relatives, friends of family, friends of relatives, neighbors, para, community, nameless faceless person on the local train, city, state, country, world, Milky Way, Universe……… (OK! OK! I got carried away a little here!) In short, everyone but us, is loosing sleep over the fact that we have not an “issue” yet.
Here are a few samples of concern that we face regularly:
Why? Is there a medical problem?
If you do not have a kid now, it will soon be too late.
How can you be so ambitious that you cannot sacrifice a few years of your life to have a baby?
It is the circle of life – you cannot escape it. It is a sin to try to escape it too. Man and woman has been made to bear children – it is the very purpose of life itself.
The baby does not deserve this attitude from you! - love of the unborn?
Do you know what we have to go through? Everyone in the neighborhood asks me when I am to become a grandparent? Look what you are putting us through! What a shame!
Adoption! Are you crazy?!!! Only barren couples do that! Don’t even think of that in our household.
What about our family bloodline? You are the only bahu of the family – you have to think of the bloodline!
You are waiting too long to have a baby. All your friends are having them. Soon you will not have friends anymore – they will all do baby talk and you will be left all alone. – We have to be a part of the herd! Not outcasts!
Its your duty to have kids and make your parents happy grand parents, after all they did for you, you need to provide them with this little happiness.
Babies bring such change in your life. You can live your life again through them. Anything that is left in your life, they will make them happen for you. Oh, my poor kid! What a responsibility!
Who will take care of you when you grow old?
If you need to work, no problem, we understand – after all it is important that you both work. Just have a baby and send him/her to India – we will raise it for you! - Why don’t you get a baby yourself? Or may be a pet?
When all fails: Wait till you have your own kids and they say this to you – then you will know how it feels.
The latest, today morning: When you have a baby, all your problems in life will fade away with one look at that face. You are so ready for motherhood – that is why you may be having emotional issues. Who said I have emotional issues? It is just a guess on their part. Mr. Poirot deduced: Seven years, no baby, must be a troubled marriage (the grey cells are working overtime!), so, have a baby to fix the marriage! Not our case, but this does happen. I have a friend whose cousin had a baby for this exact reason and now all the three are miserable!! Good Lord!!
Now, here is what we think:
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
—- Khalil Gibran “The Prophet”
Re-read the passage again please – for it takes time to sink in. This is what we gather from it and believe in – you have to be ready, happy and stable to take on this responsibility. Not when the society thinks you are ready or when you have an accident (oops!), but when you are really really ready – mentally. Also, the kids are not going to be our “property” or “domain”, so we should not try to live our lives and fulfill our dreams through them. They are independent souls whom we will nurture, while they need us, and then let them be – they will fly away when they are ready and we have to let them go and be at peace with it.
So for all those anxious bodies out there who are so dying to see us pregnant – I am sorry, you will have to wait – for we have many years ahead of us before we will even think of procreating.
The following blogs may interest you:
“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage”.
Today morning I heard this on the radio – a “This I Believe” essay by Ying Ying Yu, a 13-year old kid who will grow up to be a lawyer since she believes she is duty-bound to fulfill the dreams of her family and her community at large. The particularly touching part was to hear that she has given up hope.
She writes, “There is no other choice for someone who’s been brought up by such a strict system, someone who has ambition. Here in America, there is almost a pressure to follow your dreams. I don’t want any more dreams — dreams are illusions. And it’s too late for me to work toward another future, to let the foundations I have built go to ruins.”
This resonates so much with my life that I felt like going across the airwaves and shaking her up to tell her that – it does not work that way. I have been there, done that, and if you try to follow and fulfill the dreams that are not yours, all you end up with is being miserable all the time. The satisfaction she thinks she will feel when she has accomplished the goal, is simply isn’t there. I was in her very situation while growing up, I too felt compelled to follow the dreams of my parents and their choice society. But after having reached the “success” that was defined by them, I found myself faced with a strange void that I am trying to explain ever since.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my profession; I am even passionate about it. I enjoy the challenges, and take pride in what I do. I even find my career rewarding since I get to literally “build” things that matter to the community. I encourage other kids to take up this profession as a career. I am ambitious too and I know that if I stick with this career, I will make good progress and “make it even bigger” than what my parents had dreamt of.
However, my battle is with the what-ifs. They haunt me all the time. What if I had the opportunity to feel and pursue what I wanted? I may have made it big in another career path! Would that success not be good enough for my parents and their society? Then again, I may have chosen this very career, but it would have been “my” choice. The “me”, “I” and “my” is very important here; it defines me and my self worth. It is very important that one gets to choose and live ones own dream. There is something very sweet about the triumphs and struggles being voluntary – it enhances the value of the “choice”.
I wish I can tell that to Ying Ying right now. But I cannot show her the right course when she is not ready to “see” it. Fifteen years ago, I was just as blind as she is now. Everyone’s journey to realization is ones very own. She too has to go through the pains I went through, and may be fifteen-twenty years from now, she will stand at the same cross-roads that I am standing on right now – ready to go and test the waters beyond. It is a pity that so many years were wasted in dissatisfaction.
Filed under: Uncategorized
“Ananda” means in our native language happiness, bliss, a state of eternal peace and contentment…….
Anandamide is supposed to be the chemical that causes runner’s high. In the past it was suspected that endorphins cause this sensation – but apparently the endorphin molecules are too big for our brain. It’s Anandamide that does the trick. Check out Scott’s blog – he describes the sensation very well. Runners World also has a similar article on this amazing high. The sensation is supposed to be similar to that experienced after smoking pot!
My husband and I have taken up running and are especially training for the Chicago Marathon this year. We are on Week 4 of our marathon training now. I have a marathon blog that I update pretty often with my experiences during this endeavor.
I am not sure if we have experienced this high yet. Our maximum distance so far has been seven miles. We are looking forward to a nine miler this coming weekend. However, high or not, we do experience a deep sense of satisfaction whenever we have run four plus miles. We typically run in the morning, and we have an amazing feeling of elation all throughout the day. I just love it. I am very much looking forward to the “ananda” high – will report when it happens.
Filed under: Engineering
I wanted to share with you all the joy I felt today. It sure feels great to make a difference, however little it may be!
Around mid February this year, I went to Apex Middle School to talk to 8th and 9th graders about taking up engineering as a career. This was a part of nationwide campaign Engineers Week. I went there with some colleagues of our Power department. While they talked about energy sources and power delivery, I talked about environmental engineering.
I talked about what I typically do – water and wastewater engineering and how it matters in the whole scheme of things. Today I received three letters from the students I met, thanking me, and saying that I had inspired them to think about taking engineering as a career. Here are the three letters.
